Couldn't Afford A Car, So She Names Her Daughter Alexis





Not much to say today. It's Mother Fucking Hot! Sorry for the Profanity, but there is no other way to describe the hotness. Apparently next Wednesday its going to be 37 degree. Hopefully it will be a bit cooler in Waskesui were I will be. All you other people have to seriously stop polluting mother earth and destroying the ozone layer.

Dave you have to let me know Lohan's myspace address, then my cyber stalking can begin. First we will become myspace friends, then real life friends, and then we'll hook up, and after that I'll marry her get a quicky divorce and get half of her cash. Brilliant!

I am now officialy cheering for England in the World Cup. TnT made their country proud, but no onew expected them to make it to the elimination rounds. England deserves the World Cup. I know your cheering for Italy Dave, but Italy blows.

Yeah! Three Lions Baby

I've Got A Solar Powered Laser Beem Guitar



Hello friends

One of the draw backs of working at the zoo is everybody thinks your an animal expert. I'm no zoologist, I'm a political scientist! I perform mad crazy political experiments in my laboratory. I also don't like looking like a fool when people ask me questions that I don't know the answer too, so I make educated guesses. They're probably all wrong, but who cares.

I have to put my two cents into this whole other Fjords issue. These dudes in North Carolina are obviously idiots if they think that you guys can both have the name, "the j is silent" what a bunch of tools. I think they key to this whole situation isn't to ask them to change their name, but to break their spirit. I brainstormed a few ideas last night. One of them being me sending a series of pictures of me giving them the finger. There is also an idea that involves phony lawyers and knife fighting (ask for details).

I'm Down By Law, And I Know My Way Around




Well it's 11:30pm and I have nothing better to do then blog. I'm too tired to go out and the best thing on TV is Mighty Ducks 2.

If I remember correctly Dave and Twyla said they won't be doing BC this week so I will take the bull by the horns and organize something.

Sean Clark I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the blog. I wil never get too techno advanced, I'm immature 4-life. Please feel free to forward the blog address to anyone you feel will enjoy my musing and thoughts. And congrats on winning the playoff pool. I'm proud of my huge jump in the standings. I also enjoy the links in your emails, keep them coming.

In the future when hovercrafts become the normal form of transportation I am going to start a hovercraft gang. The problem is finding a good gang name. I know what you are all thinking, what a great idea, well like all great ideas I am not the first to think of it. Hunter S. Thompson had the idea in his book Hell's Angels which I am currently reading.


Today was free admission day at the zoo. This means that the zoo was insanely busy. Almost 1200 people took the tour. My voice was horse after my shift from talking so much. My patience was wearing thin near the end, but don't worry I kept it together. One of my worst fears is that I will run over one of the peacocks during the tour. Do you think I would get fired? People before Peacocks!

Dave I saw your mom at the zoo today, we had a nice chat.

Your Hot To Trot, You Think Your Slicker Then Grease




I had to erase the links to Dave and Luke's blog. Every time you clicked on them you wouldn't be sent to their blogs you would be sent to some site called webfire. It was weird. I'll put the links back later and hopefully there will be no problems.

I went out with Jeff and Kim last night. We went and had beer and food at Alexander's. The food was good as was the conversation and the music.

Today was the first time in months that I slept in past noon and I must say it felt damn good. I slept for all of you out there who had to get up early. I'm looking forward to wings tonight.


DOMINIC!, WHERE'S DOMINIC!

I'm A Spaceship Superstar!


Well the Oilers crapped out last night. They played a horrible first period. I'm sorry to all those Oilers fans out there. Carolina out played them last night. It would have been nice to have the Stanley Cup back in Canada where it belongs (or in Detroit). GO WINGS!

I watched the game last night over at Mike and Deanna's. Dave, Twyla and Elijah also joined us. Elijah seemed hypnotised by the hockey.

Dave I'm glad to hear that you are joining Jay-Z and myself in they boycott of Cristal. I know it's going to be hard to switch to a new brand of champaigne, but that dude was racist and we can't support racism.

Yesterday at the zoo there was a lot of highschool and older elementary school kids there. As we all know these kids are almost all assholes. I had a couple of dudes on the train who were being loud and obnoxious and swearing a bunch. There were also families on the train so I went back and told them that I would not start the train until they got off because they were making other people uncomfortable and they were being assholes. They gave me a bit of lip and I looked at them and said "you can stay on the train until 6 when I'm done, but I won't go with you guys on it" they could tell that I am a super badass and they got off the train.


I know the face is cut off, but this is Deanna giving me the finger

Some How, Some Where, Its Got to Get Better Then This



The Oilers pounded the Cane's last night. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Oilers just may win the cup. It won't be easy though. The Hurricanes have the home ice advantage and they have a veteran team, nothing is guaranteed.

I watched the game over at Dave and Twyla's last night. Eli didn't seem to impressed to have me over. After the game Dave and I watched Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I highly recommend this movie to everyone, especially if you love good hip-hop like Kanye West, Blackstar, Mos Def, Talib Kwali, The Fugees, Dead Prez, Jill Scott, Eyrikah Badu, and Common. If your a fan of Dave Chappelle you will also probably like it as well.


Jay-Z has announced that he is boycotting Cristal Champaigne. Apparently one of the executives for Cristal made some disparaging comments about how he doesn't like the Champaignes association with hip-hop. Jay-Z found the comments to be racist and he will no longer serve the beverage at his nightclub or drink it in his private life.

My Whole Crew is Lounging



One of the interesting parts of working at the zoo is the fact that you can watch animals have sex. I watched two minature horses have sex earlier this week and many questions came to mind, like can two minature horses produce a average sized horse? Little people can have averaged sized babies. The two horses are black and white, will they produce a minature zebra?

Sorry I missed you earlier this week Mikey. I still wasn't feeling to great. We will have to get together next week. I found out today that Del is having two concerts here on the first and second of July, are you still interested in going to one?

Big hockey game tonight. Even though I hate the Oilers (especially Fernando Pisani) I find myself routing for them. It's my Canadian pride coming through.

Tomorrow is father's day, even though my dad has no use for the interweb I will still wish him a happy father's day on the blog


He won't mind that I put a picture of him in bed on the interweb, will he?

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a new digital camera. Enjoy Cork and Wales Luke.

I'm Crooked Like White People Dancing Off Beat


I still have this killer cough and cold. It's really starting to piss me off. It's not so much the fact that I have a cold, but the fact that every time I have a huge cough I get really bad pains in my stomach. I'm 100% sure it's related to my hernia. I have had coughs were I can feel the hernia move from inside my stomach to outside of it.

Its it is suppose to rain tomorrow and Friday. This means that there is a good chance that I won't be driving the train those days. That kind of sucks. On the one hand I usually am not to disappointed when I don't have to work, but on the other hand I don't get paid. And you all know me, I'm all about the Benjamins(or in the case of Canada, the Queen Elizabeth's)

I'm sorry Dave I don't remember discussing the Ivory Coast game. Was that in your car on the way to your house. I know I only saw highlights from it and from what I heard it was a good game. TnT's defense was amazing during that Sweden game. The reason The game was awesome was beacuse everyone thought TnT would get blown out by the Swedes. Sweden did dominate the gameplay, but TnT got some chances. I'm mad that I will be at work for their game versus England tomorrow. Damn booth, at least I'll get the chance to finish Angels & Demons.

Here's hoping that the Oilers win tonight and extend the series another game. It doesn't feelright to have the Stanley Cup in North Carolina.
I know Dave will love this picture. This is my number one friend on myspace with the ultimate crunk cup.
If you go to the Atlanta Thrashers website you will be able to find a bunch of pictures of Lil Jon with the Stanley Cup. http://www.atlantathrashers.com/View.aspx?CID01=2f55ed7f-4c5f-4dea-893a-a8efa4300637

DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

That's right TnT the biggest World Cup underdog ever tied the very talented and heavily favoured Swedish team. It's about time Sweden was taken down a couple of pegs. A tie is like a win for TnT. Things were not looking good for TnT, during warm-ups our starting goalie got injured, but luckily backup Shaka Hislop saved the day. This guy is now a national hero in TnT.

The weather here in Saskatoon has been crappy. I have had a couple shifts at work canceled because of the weather. That's probably a good thing though because I am battling a nasty cough right now.

This next picture is for my most devoted and therefore favourite follower of Christifanity Gilles. I hope you enjoy buddy.

This is the CD cover from Joey Lawrence's hugely successful album. It has everything you love about JL, ripped jeans, sweater tied around the waste, plaid shirt, and a white T-shirt.

You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes



I havn't blogged in a few days. No time.

Even though I sent her an email I might as well publically congratulate Nicole for being accepted into her Master's program. I'm sure you will have a Wales of a time (The University is in Wales).

Welcome home Mikey. I enjoyed the monkey picture you sent me. I will see you next week for beer and stories. I also found a new pic of your dad. Another classic! Nothing beats drinking with one of your best friends dad.

Davey boy I will come drink with you tomorrow at the garage sale.

Like A Pinch On The Neck From Mr. Spock



Dave made his World Cup predictions on his blog. I will make no predictions, but I will tell you that I will be cheering for the country of Trinidad & Tobago. I think most people know of my intimate connection with these small sister islands. TnT baby!

I'm glad to hear that BC is spreading to other groups. A Feminist BC is a great idea. Dudes can be feminists, I wonder if I can join. I would bring up the feminist arguement that women should have the right to be prostitutes because its their body and they should have the right to do what they want with their bodies.

George W. has brought the gay marriage debate back into the forefront of US politics. This is a reactionary move. The Christian Conservatives who got Bush elected have been making noise recently about having their issues ignored by the President. They have been threatning to not be active in the upcoming mid-term elections. The Republicans need these guys in certain states to help win the elections. So to appease them Bush is once again trying to get the members of the House to pass a bill that would ban gay marriage in the US. He wants to go as far as to have traditional marriage protected by the Constitution. I don't know how many gay Americans read my blog, but for those who do don't worry. Bush tried to do this a few years ago and he failed miserably and by all accounts this effort will fail as well.

I'm sure you have all heard of the terror plot and arrests that were made last week in Ontario. Some defense lawyers have been complaining that these dudes who were arrested may have been entrapt by the RCMP. My inner Conservative came out when I heard about this. Who gives a shit if these dicks were entrapt. They were planning on killing Canadians, Screw them! These dudes are a disgrace to their religion and their people.

Woooah, don't worry cool laid back Chris is back. No more nastiness.

Here's a sweet picture of me and my neice to counter act the nasty me from earlier. This was taken a couple years ago.

Love Me or Hate Me, Just Leave Me Alone

Hey, Hey, Hey !

Gilles your night sounded insane dude. I need to move to the MTL it sounds a lot more fun then the toon.

BC was solid today. We went to a liitle cafe which name escapes me at this moment. Jeff and I had the chicken salad and soup, it was delicious. It was good to see Jeff and Kim again, hadn't seen you dudes in a long time.

Twyla asked me today why there was no girl profits in Christifanity. I told her that Nicole had been named a profit a long time ago. Recently Gilles was bumped up to full profit.
Here is the official profit list:Dave, Luke, Mike, Nicole, Gilles.
I have been thinking about whether I should give Twyla profit status. I came to this conclusion: Even though Twyla gives me a hard time more then anybody, she also laughs at my jokes, so Twyla you are in. You are now an official profit. Congrats! This means though you are going to have to have your portrait painted at some point.

Here is my tour schedule at the zoo. Feel free to come and see me.
June:
Thursday & Friday-- 2:00pm-6:00pm
Sunday & Monday-- 2:00pm-6:00pm

Mike when the hell do you get back? I miss you, so bad.

How could you not miss this guy.

They Say They Only Remember You When Your Dead and Your Gone, So On That Note I'm Leaving After This Song.

My blog title is one of my favourite lyrics from the "Best Rapper Alive" Jay-Z

Now that it is June I work for about 10 hours on Thursday and Friday. I am really enjoying giving the tours. On my first tour today I had about 40 people on the train and most of then were mentally challenged teens (I hope that's the PC term). One of the kids asked me if he could ride upfront with me, Usually we are not suppose to, but I didn't care he seemed like a nice dude. At the end of the tour they all gave me an ovation for my touring skills. It felt pretty good. I also got a $2 tip today from a Grandma who was there with her 4 grandkids.

It was 32 degrees today in Saskatoon. Being in the booth this morning was fine because there is AC there, but I was outside the rest of the afternoon giving tours. Sometimes I hate the sun. I blame everyone around the world for polluting the earth and making the ozone layer disappear.

This morning a bee got into my booth. The women who was at the booth saw the bee go in and said to me, "Well better in there with you then in here with me" What a bitch! At least have some sympathy to the fact that I'm going to have to deal with a bee. She didn't get any friendly chit chat from me after she said that.

With both my jobs at the zoo sometimes I feel like I get paid for doing nothing. In the booth I thought about how I was getting paid and all I was doing was reading Nelson Mandella's autobiography. F.Y.I., Mandella is my new hero. I'm going to patern my leadership of Christifanity like Mandella led his organization the ANC. I will go to jail for 27 years if that means that Christifanity becomes the ruling political party and main religion here in Canada. During the down time at the Train I found myself having staring contest with tiger who I have named Punjab, Looking at my neckbeard intensely in my rear view mirrors and trying to beat my high score on my cell phone game Astrosmash. Again I am getting paid while I do all this.
This is the autobiography. I agree with the quote on the cover