I Must Confess, My Destiny Is Manifest




I had a stellar weekend. Friday I went to Kaid's birthday BBQ which included a free keg. Free kegs are great. That's the second free keg I have had access to this week. Life is good. I got to see a lot of people who I havn't seen in a while at the par-tay. Your a king Kris Olsen. We'll have that lunch with our mom's real soon. I also met a girl who has made out with both Cavanaugh brothers. As expected I was shocked by this info.

Then Saturday I went to a BBQ hosted by Dave and Twyla at Dave's parents place. This was also a very enjoyable night, but for completely different reasons. I also saw Milo drink from the pond. What a funny kid.

Speaking of kegs of beer, if any of my loyal readers want to go to a Fjord's beer night this Friday let me know. It's at Winston's between 7-9pm. It's $10 bucks per ticket, but you get access to a keg, so its really an awesome deal.


I'll be there, DRUNK OFF MY ASS!

I am officialy at the point of being sick of my tour job. I have become a grumpy bitter tour guide. If people could only read my mind sometimes. I am a mean bastard in my head. Only to those who deserve my venom. I am just so sick of the stupid questions. The closest I have come to being rude is today when some women asked me what time the train was leaving. I was standing by the giant clock that advertises what time the next train ride is, so I said to her in what could be conceived as a rude tone "What does the Clock say" Let's just say that I am glad I have the next two days off, because if I had to work tomorrow I might go off on a person.

What's My Name? G-SPOT!, What Do I Rock? The G-SPOT




I noticed today that I hadn't blogged in over a week. That's just not acceptable. I apologize to all of you.

I havn't had much to blog about my week at the zoo was pretty tame. Nothing terribly exciting or funny. I helped a lost little girl find her Grandma today.

Went to a BBQ with Mike at Mark Ferguson's house this past Sunday. Free keg of beer and delicious food, nothing beats that. I have two BBQ's to go to this week, I love the summer.

My Uncle asked me what I thought about what was happening in the middle east with Israel and Lebanon. My response was that the Middle East was a question that has no answer, it is a total mystery. Like how'd they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar.

Great Middle East analogy, or the Greatest Middle East analogy?

Nice Guys Get Washed Away, Like The Snow And The Rain




So I got an email from a Phd student in Los Angeles who is doing part of her Phd on blogs. She wants me to do a survey. Dave and Luke did you get an email. I was wondering if she sent mass emails to blogger users or she just picked mine. Apparently if I agree my blog will also be used in classes as well. Maybe this will be the first step towards Christifanity becoming the world wide movement I envision. Anythings possible.

I had a stressful day at work yesterday. I am not going to go into great details, but I will just say I got two 10 year old kids banned from the zoo. And I don't feel bad.

To help relieve my stress I went to Superman Returns with Dave and my stepbrother Paul. I would say its a quality picture. Visually pleasing.



We also saw the trailer for Spiderman 3, it looks awesome.

I've Always Had A P.H.D, A Pretty Huge Dick

Remeber when I dropped this line at Mike and Deanna's one night. That was hilarious. I'm Great. It wasn't inappropriate at all

Here is my weekly recap of the interesting things that happened to me at the zoo:

The best thing that happened this week was yesterday. There were these two teenager dudes at the zoo. One was big and tall and the other was scronny. So I'm on a tour and these dicks through some stones at the train. I stop the train and give them hell and tell them I'll have them kicked out if they do it again. So for the rest of the day whenever they would see me doing a tour they would eyeball me. So they decided to walk right past me when I was waiting for someone to get on the train and they eyeball me. Then the big one whispers something to the little one (probably a slam against yours truly) and they start laughing. So I say to them "So are you two on a date", "It looks like you two have some real chemistry", "Are you having a fun date at the zoo" Both of these two losers get all flustered and say stuff like "what" "no" I think the realized that they were messing with a far greater power then they expected and they turned away and walked away. I had thought of the burn earlier in the day and I was happy that I got the oppurtunity to use it.

Thursday when I was in the booth a dude driving an orange VW van tried the old jedi mind trick to convince me that he did not have to pay the $2.00 parking charge. He did the little hand wave and said to me "I do not have to pay the parking charge" My response "jedi mind tricks don't work on me only money" Just like Watto in the Phantom Menace





I watched Revenge of the Nerds yesterday on one of my new TV channels. It was uncensored and hilarious. Every time I think of ROTN I think of day Dave and I spent in Surrey B.C. Good times hey Brown-town



Best shirt ever!

For The Day I Die, I'm Going To Touch The Sky




It was good to talk to Luke and Nicole today. I am glad to hear that you guys are doing well. You are both missed by me. I have no one to go out with anymore.

So yesterday we got Max from sasktel, so we have all these channels now. My stepbrother and I watched this show on my favourite channel National Geographic channel. The show was called "The Darkside of Chimps" And let me tell you that chimps do have a darkside. Chimps are coming in closer contact with humans in Africa and chimps also love meat. So the chimps prey on the weak humans mainly babies and infants. That's right chimps kill babies. Chimps also murder other chimps. They showed actual footage of groups of male chimps who go out on treks to find male chimps from other territories and kill them. It blew my mind.
I thought chimps were cute, now I think there evil. Chimps killing humans is the first step towards Planet of the Apes becoming a reality.


BE AFRAID!

Now I'm Rapping About Money, Hoes, And Rims Again




It's nerd time:

The sequel to The Fantastic Four movie is called "Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer" That's right Silver Surfer is finally making his big screen debut. Who is playing the Silver Surfer? Nobody, he is going to be all computer generated.

Season 2 of LOST comes out on DVD September 5th.



I am happy to report that I have gotten my mom and stepdad also hooked on the best show on TV. Soon you will all become LOST fanatics.

I'm off to work. Going to go coolin' with my animal homies

Just Like A Prayer I'll Take You There, It's Like A Dream To Me





I have one more thing I forgot to post on my last blog. If any of you are ever in Hague Saskatchewan you must go to the Shell station. The women who works there in a dead ringer for Stephen Harper. That's right a lady Harper. And I am not talking a little like the PM, I'm saying his exact twin. Imagine Stephen Harper wearing pink lipstick and earings



I thought I would also share this picture.


Best Uncle Ever!

8675309, I Got, I Got, I Got, For A Good Time Call






I am back from my little vacation.

It was very relaxing. I sat on the beach, I went for hikes, I drank nothing but beer and water, I had gourmet meals and the best part is that I paid for none of it.

On the way home I was by myself and I found myself rocking out to Ashlee Simpson. Damn Saskatchewan radio. I could have kept this to myself, but I decided that it was best to share this embarassing moment.

When I was a kid and on a road trip I would always pretend that we were racing the other cars. When ever my dad would pass somebody I would think that we were beating the people we passed. I still think this today. I am a passing machine!

I found myself bored some nights. When your living a suite with a 2 year old you can't really be noisy at night, so here are some pictures of me bored in my room.

I'm Sick Of Looking For Love On A Spaceship!





The blog title comes from the rap album of Brian Austin Green. Yeah that's right David Silver from Beverley Hills 90210. Don't ask me how I know this.


One Stop Carnival, lamest rap cd title ever!

I was happy to hear that Lil' Kim got released one month early from jail. Good Behavoir does pay off.

Gilles barbequed deer sounds delicious. Every day at work I'm going to be thinking about which breed of deer tastes the best. Is it White-tailed deer, or maybe its Fallow deer, there European. Or could it possibly Mute Deer. I like Asian food, maybe its the Sika deer that can be found throughout Asia.


I'm going up to Waskesui tomorrow for 3 days of rest and relaxation. Until then, Adios my Muchacho's

With Glowing Hearts We See The Rise, The True North Strong And Free


Happy Canada Day to everyone. If you don't love Canada then "Suck It !"

Thursday was insanely hot. It was as hot as balls. We ended the tours early beacuse it was so ridiculously hot. I was drenched in sweat, I ended up going home and sleeping for a couple hours. Then I went and had a beer with David.

Starting in a couple weeks we are doing heritage tours at the zoo. This means that in addition to the tour of the zoo I also get to take the train around the park and point more shit out. This also means that I have to learn another script. I am actually kind of psyched about it. The day goes by a lot quicker when your actually doing tours and these heritage tours will eat up a lot of time. I was also getting kind of bored with saying the same old BS over and over again. The past few days I have been giving the tours in a very dull and boring manner.

You meet so many people at my job. I gave mayor Atchison and his family a private tour earlier this week. There was also this family who ended up telling me their life stories. First the Grandpa came up and started talking to me about how he has had 3 heart attacks and he couldn't possibly walk around the entire zoo, then his son came over and started telling me about his daughter who was completely deaf until a few months ago when she had some surgery where they drill little holes in your skull and put permenant hearing aids in there. I just gave your basic come backs like "wow" and "really".
Then this dude started giving me hell when I was in the booth becuase the cities website didn't state that there was $2.00 parking charge at the zoo. What the hell could I have done? hack into the website and change things for this dick.
Last week some bitch was complaining to me because the tiger was just lying there and not moving around. I told her that on hot days all the animals usually lay in the shade. What was I suppose to do hop in there with the tiger and see what happens.
In an earlier blog I was wondering why I get paid fro my job because a lot of it is sitting around reading. I figured I get paid because of the services I provide, touring and info. I now realize that I get paid to put up with stupid people and their bullshit.

England lost to Portugal at the World Cup in Penalty Kicks. Damn Portugeuse. Italy beat a weak Ukraine team. No offence to my Ukrainean friends. Also no offence to the Portugeuse as well. France beat Brazil today, so I am now cheering for France.

We went back to Lee's for BC today. The dude there gave me a little guilt trip about how we hadn't been there for a while. Sorry Lee's guy.