I Must Confess, My Destiny Is Manifest




I had a stellar weekend. Friday I went to Kaid's birthday BBQ which included a free keg. Free kegs are great. That's the second free keg I have had access to this week. Life is good. I got to see a lot of people who I havn't seen in a while at the par-tay. Your a king Kris Olsen. We'll have that lunch with our mom's real soon. I also met a girl who has made out with both Cavanaugh brothers. As expected I was shocked by this info.

Then Saturday I went to a BBQ hosted by Dave and Twyla at Dave's parents place. This was also a very enjoyable night, but for completely different reasons. I also saw Milo drink from the pond. What a funny kid.

Speaking of kegs of beer, if any of my loyal readers want to go to a Fjord's beer night this Friday let me know. It's at Winston's between 7-9pm. It's $10 bucks per ticket, but you get access to a keg, so its really an awesome deal.


I'll be there, DRUNK OFF MY ASS!

I am officialy at the point of being sick of my tour job. I have become a grumpy bitter tour guide. If people could only read my mind sometimes. I am a mean bastard in my head. Only to those who deserve my venom. I am just so sick of the stupid questions. The closest I have come to being rude is today when some women asked me what time the train was leaving. I was standing by the giant clock that advertises what time the next train ride is, so I said to her in what could be conceived as a rude tone "What does the Clock say" Let's just say that I am glad I have the next two days off, because if I had to work tomorrow I might go off on a person.

What's My Name? G-SPOT!, What Do I Rock? The G-SPOT




I noticed today that I hadn't blogged in over a week. That's just not acceptable. I apologize to all of you.

I havn't had much to blog about my week at the zoo was pretty tame. Nothing terribly exciting or funny. I helped a lost little girl find her Grandma today.

Went to a BBQ with Mike at Mark Ferguson's house this past Sunday. Free keg of beer and delicious food, nothing beats that. I have two BBQ's to go to this week, I love the summer.

My Uncle asked me what I thought about what was happening in the middle east with Israel and Lebanon. My response was that the Middle East was a question that has no answer, it is a total mystery. Like how'd they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar.

Great Middle East analogy, or the Greatest Middle East analogy?

Nice Guys Get Washed Away, Like The Snow And The Rain




So I got an email from a Phd student in Los Angeles who is doing part of her Phd on blogs. She wants me to do a survey. Dave and Luke did you get an email. I was wondering if she sent mass emails to blogger users or she just picked mine. Apparently if I agree my blog will also be used in classes as well. Maybe this will be the first step towards Christifanity becoming the world wide movement I envision. Anythings possible.

I had a stressful day at work yesterday. I am not going to go into great details, but I will just say I got two 10 year old kids banned from the zoo. And I don't feel bad.

To help relieve my stress I went to Superman Returns with Dave and my stepbrother Paul. I would say its a quality picture. Visually pleasing.



We also saw the trailer for Spiderman 3, it looks awesome.

I've Always Had A P.H.D, A Pretty Huge Dick

Remeber when I dropped this line at Mike and Deanna's one night. That was hilarious. I'm Great. It wasn't inappropriate at all

Here is my weekly recap of the interesting things that happened to me at the zoo:

The best thing that happened this week was yesterday. There were these two teenager dudes at the zoo. One was big and tall and the other was scronny. So I'm on a tour and these dicks through some stones at the train. I stop the train and give them hell and tell them I'll have them kicked out if they do it again. So for the rest of the day whenever they would see me doing a tour they would eyeball me. So they decided to walk right past me when I was waiting for someone to get on the train and they eyeball me. Then the big one whispers something to the little one (probably a slam against yours truly) and they start laughing. So I say to them "So are you two on a date", "It looks like you two have some real chemistry", "Are you having a fun date at the zoo" Both of these two losers get all flustered and say stuff like "what" "no" I think the realized that they were messing with a far greater power then they expected and they turned away and walked away. I had thought of the burn earlier in the day and I was happy that I got the oppurtunity to use it.

Thursday when I was in the booth a dude driving an orange VW van tried the old jedi mind trick to convince me that he did not have to pay the $2.00 parking charge. He did the little hand wave and said to me "I do not have to pay the parking charge" My response "jedi mind tricks don't work on me only money" Just like Watto in the Phantom Menace





I watched Revenge of the Nerds yesterday on one of my new TV channels. It was uncensored and hilarious. Every time I think of ROTN I think of day Dave and I spent in Surrey B.C. Good times hey Brown-town



Best shirt ever!

For The Day I Die, I'm Going To Touch The Sky




It was good to talk to Luke and Nicole today. I am glad to hear that you guys are doing well. You are both missed by me. I have no one to go out with anymore.

So yesterday we got Max from sasktel, so we have all these channels now. My stepbrother and I watched this show on my favourite channel National Geographic channel. The show was called "The Darkside of Chimps" And let me tell you that chimps do have a darkside. Chimps are coming in closer contact with humans in Africa and chimps also love meat. So the chimps prey on the weak humans mainly babies and infants. That's right chimps kill babies. Chimps also murder other chimps. They showed actual footage of groups of male chimps who go out on treks to find male chimps from other territories and kill them. It blew my mind.
I thought chimps were cute, now I think there evil. Chimps killing humans is the first step towards Planet of the Apes becoming a reality.


BE AFRAID!

Now I'm Rapping About Money, Hoes, And Rims Again




It's nerd time:

The sequel to The Fantastic Four movie is called "Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer" That's right Silver Surfer is finally making his big screen debut. Who is playing the Silver Surfer? Nobody, he is going to be all computer generated.

Season 2 of LOST comes out on DVD September 5th.



I am happy to report that I have gotten my mom and stepdad also hooked on the best show on TV. Soon you will all become LOST fanatics.

I'm off to work. Going to go coolin' with my animal homies

Just Like A Prayer I'll Take You There, It's Like A Dream To Me





I have one more thing I forgot to post on my last blog. If any of you are ever in Hague Saskatchewan you must go to the Shell station. The women who works there in a dead ringer for Stephen Harper. That's right a lady Harper. And I am not talking a little like the PM, I'm saying his exact twin. Imagine Stephen Harper wearing pink lipstick and earings



I thought I would also share this picture.


Best Uncle Ever!

8675309, I Got, I Got, I Got, For A Good Time Call






I am back from my little vacation.

It was very relaxing. I sat on the beach, I went for hikes, I drank nothing but beer and water, I had gourmet meals and the best part is that I paid for none of it.

On the way home I was by myself and I found myself rocking out to Ashlee Simpson. Damn Saskatchewan radio. I could have kept this to myself, but I decided that it was best to share this embarassing moment.

When I was a kid and on a road trip I would always pretend that we were racing the other cars. When ever my dad would pass somebody I would think that we were beating the people we passed. I still think this today. I am a passing machine!

I found myself bored some nights. When your living a suite with a 2 year old you can't really be noisy at night, so here are some pictures of me bored in my room.

I'm Sick Of Looking For Love On A Spaceship!





The blog title comes from the rap album of Brian Austin Green. Yeah that's right David Silver from Beverley Hills 90210. Don't ask me how I know this.


One Stop Carnival, lamest rap cd title ever!

I was happy to hear that Lil' Kim got released one month early from jail. Good Behavoir does pay off.

Gilles barbequed deer sounds delicious. Every day at work I'm going to be thinking about which breed of deer tastes the best. Is it White-tailed deer, or maybe its Fallow deer, there European. Or could it possibly Mute Deer. I like Asian food, maybe its the Sika deer that can be found throughout Asia.


I'm going up to Waskesui tomorrow for 3 days of rest and relaxation. Until then, Adios my Muchacho's

With Glowing Hearts We See The Rise, The True North Strong And Free


Happy Canada Day to everyone. If you don't love Canada then "Suck It !"

Thursday was insanely hot. It was as hot as balls. We ended the tours early beacuse it was so ridiculously hot. I was drenched in sweat, I ended up going home and sleeping for a couple hours. Then I went and had a beer with David.

Starting in a couple weeks we are doing heritage tours at the zoo. This means that in addition to the tour of the zoo I also get to take the train around the park and point more shit out. This also means that I have to learn another script. I am actually kind of psyched about it. The day goes by a lot quicker when your actually doing tours and these heritage tours will eat up a lot of time. I was also getting kind of bored with saying the same old BS over and over again. The past few days I have been giving the tours in a very dull and boring manner.

You meet so many people at my job. I gave mayor Atchison and his family a private tour earlier this week. There was also this family who ended up telling me their life stories. First the Grandpa came up and started talking to me about how he has had 3 heart attacks and he couldn't possibly walk around the entire zoo, then his son came over and started telling me about his daughter who was completely deaf until a few months ago when she had some surgery where they drill little holes in your skull and put permenant hearing aids in there. I just gave your basic come backs like "wow" and "really".
Then this dude started giving me hell when I was in the booth becuase the cities website didn't state that there was $2.00 parking charge at the zoo. What the hell could I have done? hack into the website and change things for this dick.
Last week some bitch was complaining to me because the tiger was just lying there and not moving around. I told her that on hot days all the animals usually lay in the shade. What was I suppose to do hop in there with the tiger and see what happens.
In an earlier blog I was wondering why I get paid fro my job because a lot of it is sitting around reading. I figured I get paid because of the services I provide, touring and info. I now realize that I get paid to put up with stupid people and their bullshit.

England lost to Portugal at the World Cup in Penalty Kicks. Damn Portugeuse. Italy beat a weak Ukraine team. No offence to my Ukrainean friends. Also no offence to the Portugeuse as well. France beat Brazil today, so I am now cheering for France.

We went back to Lee's for BC today. The dude there gave me a little guilt trip about how we hadn't been there for a while. Sorry Lee's guy.

Couldn't Afford A Car, So She Names Her Daughter Alexis





Not much to say today. It's Mother Fucking Hot! Sorry for the Profanity, but there is no other way to describe the hotness. Apparently next Wednesday its going to be 37 degree. Hopefully it will be a bit cooler in Waskesui were I will be. All you other people have to seriously stop polluting mother earth and destroying the ozone layer.

Dave you have to let me know Lohan's myspace address, then my cyber stalking can begin. First we will become myspace friends, then real life friends, and then we'll hook up, and after that I'll marry her get a quicky divorce and get half of her cash. Brilliant!

I am now officialy cheering for England in the World Cup. TnT made their country proud, but no onew expected them to make it to the elimination rounds. England deserves the World Cup. I know your cheering for Italy Dave, but Italy blows.

Yeah! Three Lions Baby

I've Got A Solar Powered Laser Beem Guitar



Hello friends

One of the draw backs of working at the zoo is everybody thinks your an animal expert. I'm no zoologist, I'm a political scientist! I perform mad crazy political experiments in my laboratory. I also don't like looking like a fool when people ask me questions that I don't know the answer too, so I make educated guesses. They're probably all wrong, but who cares.

I have to put my two cents into this whole other Fjords issue. These dudes in North Carolina are obviously idiots if they think that you guys can both have the name, "the j is silent" what a bunch of tools. I think they key to this whole situation isn't to ask them to change their name, but to break their spirit. I brainstormed a few ideas last night. One of them being me sending a series of pictures of me giving them the finger. There is also an idea that involves phony lawyers and knife fighting (ask for details).

I'm Down By Law, And I Know My Way Around




Well it's 11:30pm and I have nothing better to do then blog. I'm too tired to go out and the best thing on TV is Mighty Ducks 2.

If I remember correctly Dave and Twyla said they won't be doing BC this week so I will take the bull by the horns and organize something.

Sean Clark I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the blog. I wil never get too techno advanced, I'm immature 4-life. Please feel free to forward the blog address to anyone you feel will enjoy my musing and thoughts. And congrats on winning the playoff pool. I'm proud of my huge jump in the standings. I also enjoy the links in your emails, keep them coming.

In the future when hovercrafts become the normal form of transportation I am going to start a hovercraft gang. The problem is finding a good gang name. I know what you are all thinking, what a great idea, well like all great ideas I am not the first to think of it. Hunter S. Thompson had the idea in his book Hell's Angels which I am currently reading.


Today was free admission day at the zoo. This means that the zoo was insanely busy. Almost 1200 people took the tour. My voice was horse after my shift from talking so much. My patience was wearing thin near the end, but don't worry I kept it together. One of my worst fears is that I will run over one of the peacocks during the tour. Do you think I would get fired? People before Peacocks!

Dave I saw your mom at the zoo today, we had a nice chat.

Your Hot To Trot, You Think Your Slicker Then Grease




I had to erase the links to Dave and Luke's blog. Every time you clicked on them you wouldn't be sent to their blogs you would be sent to some site called webfire. It was weird. I'll put the links back later and hopefully there will be no problems.

I went out with Jeff and Kim last night. We went and had beer and food at Alexander's. The food was good as was the conversation and the music.

Today was the first time in months that I slept in past noon and I must say it felt damn good. I slept for all of you out there who had to get up early. I'm looking forward to wings tonight.


DOMINIC!, WHERE'S DOMINIC!

I'm A Spaceship Superstar!


Well the Oilers crapped out last night. They played a horrible first period. I'm sorry to all those Oilers fans out there. Carolina out played them last night. It would have been nice to have the Stanley Cup back in Canada where it belongs (or in Detroit). GO WINGS!

I watched the game last night over at Mike and Deanna's. Dave, Twyla and Elijah also joined us. Elijah seemed hypnotised by the hockey.

Dave I'm glad to hear that you are joining Jay-Z and myself in they boycott of Cristal. I know it's going to be hard to switch to a new brand of champaigne, but that dude was racist and we can't support racism.

Yesterday at the zoo there was a lot of highschool and older elementary school kids there. As we all know these kids are almost all assholes. I had a couple of dudes on the train who were being loud and obnoxious and swearing a bunch. There were also families on the train so I went back and told them that I would not start the train until they got off because they were making other people uncomfortable and they were being assholes. They gave me a bit of lip and I looked at them and said "you can stay on the train until 6 when I'm done, but I won't go with you guys on it" they could tell that I am a super badass and they got off the train.


I know the face is cut off, but this is Deanna giving me the finger

Some How, Some Where, Its Got to Get Better Then This



The Oilers pounded the Cane's last night. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Oilers just may win the cup. It won't be easy though. The Hurricanes have the home ice advantage and they have a veteran team, nothing is guaranteed.

I watched the game over at Dave and Twyla's last night. Eli didn't seem to impressed to have me over. After the game Dave and I watched Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I highly recommend this movie to everyone, especially if you love good hip-hop like Kanye West, Blackstar, Mos Def, Talib Kwali, The Fugees, Dead Prez, Jill Scott, Eyrikah Badu, and Common. If your a fan of Dave Chappelle you will also probably like it as well.


Jay-Z has announced that he is boycotting Cristal Champaigne. Apparently one of the executives for Cristal made some disparaging comments about how he doesn't like the Champaignes association with hip-hop. Jay-Z found the comments to be racist and he will no longer serve the beverage at his nightclub or drink it in his private life.

My Whole Crew is Lounging



One of the interesting parts of working at the zoo is the fact that you can watch animals have sex. I watched two minature horses have sex earlier this week and many questions came to mind, like can two minature horses produce a average sized horse? Little people can have averaged sized babies. The two horses are black and white, will they produce a minature zebra?

Sorry I missed you earlier this week Mikey. I still wasn't feeling to great. We will have to get together next week. I found out today that Del is having two concerts here on the first and second of July, are you still interested in going to one?

Big hockey game tonight. Even though I hate the Oilers (especially Fernando Pisani) I find myself routing for them. It's my Canadian pride coming through.

Tomorrow is father's day, even though my dad has no use for the interweb I will still wish him a happy father's day on the blog


He won't mind that I put a picture of him in bed on the interweb, will he?

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a new digital camera. Enjoy Cork and Wales Luke.

I'm Crooked Like White People Dancing Off Beat


I still have this killer cough and cold. It's really starting to piss me off. It's not so much the fact that I have a cold, but the fact that every time I have a huge cough I get really bad pains in my stomach. I'm 100% sure it's related to my hernia. I have had coughs were I can feel the hernia move from inside my stomach to outside of it.

Its it is suppose to rain tomorrow and Friday. This means that there is a good chance that I won't be driving the train those days. That kind of sucks. On the one hand I usually am not to disappointed when I don't have to work, but on the other hand I don't get paid. And you all know me, I'm all about the Benjamins(or in the case of Canada, the Queen Elizabeth's)

I'm sorry Dave I don't remember discussing the Ivory Coast game. Was that in your car on the way to your house. I know I only saw highlights from it and from what I heard it was a good game. TnT's defense was amazing during that Sweden game. The reason The game was awesome was beacuse everyone thought TnT would get blown out by the Swedes. Sweden did dominate the gameplay, but TnT got some chances. I'm mad that I will be at work for their game versus England tomorrow. Damn booth, at least I'll get the chance to finish Angels & Demons.

Here's hoping that the Oilers win tonight and extend the series another game. It doesn't feelright to have the Stanley Cup in North Carolina.
I know Dave will love this picture. This is my number one friend on myspace with the ultimate crunk cup.
If you go to the Atlanta Thrashers website you will be able to find a bunch of pictures of Lil Jon with the Stanley Cup. http://www.atlantathrashers.com/View.aspx?CID01=2f55ed7f-4c5f-4dea-893a-a8efa4300637

DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

That's right TnT the biggest World Cup underdog ever tied the very talented and heavily favoured Swedish team. It's about time Sweden was taken down a couple of pegs. A tie is like a win for TnT. Things were not looking good for TnT, during warm-ups our starting goalie got injured, but luckily backup Shaka Hislop saved the day. This guy is now a national hero in TnT.

The weather here in Saskatoon has been crappy. I have had a couple shifts at work canceled because of the weather. That's probably a good thing though because I am battling a nasty cough right now.

This next picture is for my most devoted and therefore favourite follower of Christifanity Gilles. I hope you enjoy buddy.

This is the CD cover from Joey Lawrence's hugely successful album. It has everything you love about JL, ripped jeans, sweater tied around the waste, plaid shirt, and a white T-shirt.

You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes



I havn't blogged in a few days. No time.

Even though I sent her an email I might as well publically congratulate Nicole for being accepted into her Master's program. I'm sure you will have a Wales of a time (The University is in Wales).

Welcome home Mikey. I enjoyed the monkey picture you sent me. I will see you next week for beer and stories. I also found a new pic of your dad. Another classic! Nothing beats drinking with one of your best friends dad.

Davey boy I will come drink with you tomorrow at the garage sale.