8675309, I Got, I Got, I Got, For A Good Time Call






I am back from my little vacation.

It was very relaxing. I sat on the beach, I went for hikes, I drank nothing but beer and water, I had gourmet meals and the best part is that I paid for none of it.

On the way home I was by myself and I found myself rocking out to Ashlee Simpson. Damn Saskatchewan radio. I could have kept this to myself, but I decided that it was best to share this embarassing moment.

When I was a kid and on a road trip I would always pretend that we were racing the other cars. When ever my dad would pass somebody I would think that we were beating the people we passed. I still think this today. I am a passing machine!

I found myself bored some nights. When your living a suite with a 2 year old you can't really be noisy at night, so here are some pictures of me bored in my room.

I'm Sick Of Looking For Love On A Spaceship!





The blog title comes from the rap album of Brian Austin Green. Yeah that's right David Silver from Beverley Hills 90210. Don't ask me how I know this.


One Stop Carnival, lamest rap cd title ever!

I was happy to hear that Lil' Kim got released one month early from jail. Good Behavoir does pay off.

Gilles barbequed deer sounds delicious. Every day at work I'm going to be thinking about which breed of deer tastes the best. Is it White-tailed deer, or maybe its Fallow deer, there European. Or could it possibly Mute Deer. I like Asian food, maybe its the Sika deer that can be found throughout Asia.


I'm going up to Waskesui tomorrow for 3 days of rest and relaxation. Until then, Adios my Muchacho's

With Glowing Hearts We See The Rise, The True North Strong And Free


Happy Canada Day to everyone. If you don't love Canada then "Suck It !"

Thursday was insanely hot. It was as hot as balls. We ended the tours early beacuse it was so ridiculously hot. I was drenched in sweat, I ended up going home and sleeping for a couple hours. Then I went and had a beer with David.

Starting in a couple weeks we are doing heritage tours at the zoo. This means that in addition to the tour of the zoo I also get to take the train around the park and point more shit out. This also means that I have to learn another script. I am actually kind of psyched about it. The day goes by a lot quicker when your actually doing tours and these heritage tours will eat up a lot of time. I was also getting kind of bored with saying the same old BS over and over again. The past few days I have been giving the tours in a very dull and boring manner.

You meet so many people at my job. I gave mayor Atchison and his family a private tour earlier this week. There was also this family who ended up telling me their life stories. First the Grandpa came up and started talking to me about how he has had 3 heart attacks and he couldn't possibly walk around the entire zoo, then his son came over and started telling me about his daughter who was completely deaf until a few months ago when she had some surgery where they drill little holes in your skull and put permenant hearing aids in there. I just gave your basic come backs like "wow" and "really".
Then this dude started giving me hell when I was in the booth becuase the cities website didn't state that there was $2.00 parking charge at the zoo. What the hell could I have done? hack into the website and change things for this dick.
Last week some bitch was complaining to me because the tiger was just lying there and not moving around. I told her that on hot days all the animals usually lay in the shade. What was I suppose to do hop in there with the tiger and see what happens.
In an earlier blog I was wondering why I get paid fro my job because a lot of it is sitting around reading. I figured I get paid because of the services I provide, touring and info. I now realize that I get paid to put up with stupid people and their bullshit.

England lost to Portugal at the World Cup in Penalty Kicks. Damn Portugeuse. Italy beat a weak Ukraine team. No offence to my Ukrainean friends. Also no offence to the Portugeuse as well. France beat Brazil today, so I am now cheering for France.

We went back to Lee's for BC today. The dude there gave me a little guilt trip about how we hadn't been there for a while. Sorry Lee's guy.

Couldn't Afford A Car, So She Names Her Daughter Alexis





Not much to say today. It's Mother Fucking Hot! Sorry for the Profanity, but there is no other way to describe the hotness. Apparently next Wednesday its going to be 37 degree. Hopefully it will be a bit cooler in Waskesui were I will be. All you other people have to seriously stop polluting mother earth and destroying the ozone layer.

Dave you have to let me know Lohan's myspace address, then my cyber stalking can begin. First we will become myspace friends, then real life friends, and then we'll hook up, and after that I'll marry her get a quicky divorce and get half of her cash. Brilliant!

I am now officialy cheering for England in the World Cup. TnT made their country proud, but no onew expected them to make it to the elimination rounds. England deserves the World Cup. I know your cheering for Italy Dave, but Italy blows.

Yeah! Three Lions Baby

I've Got A Solar Powered Laser Beem Guitar



Hello friends

One of the draw backs of working at the zoo is everybody thinks your an animal expert. I'm no zoologist, I'm a political scientist! I perform mad crazy political experiments in my laboratory. I also don't like looking like a fool when people ask me questions that I don't know the answer too, so I make educated guesses. They're probably all wrong, but who cares.

I have to put my two cents into this whole other Fjords issue. These dudes in North Carolina are obviously idiots if they think that you guys can both have the name, "the j is silent" what a bunch of tools. I think they key to this whole situation isn't to ask them to change their name, but to break their spirit. I brainstormed a few ideas last night. One of them being me sending a series of pictures of me giving them the finger. There is also an idea that involves phony lawyers and knife fighting (ask for details).

I'm Down By Law, And I Know My Way Around




Well it's 11:30pm and I have nothing better to do then blog. I'm too tired to go out and the best thing on TV is Mighty Ducks 2.

If I remember correctly Dave and Twyla said they won't be doing BC this week so I will take the bull by the horns and organize something.

Sean Clark I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the blog. I wil never get too techno advanced, I'm immature 4-life. Please feel free to forward the blog address to anyone you feel will enjoy my musing and thoughts. And congrats on winning the playoff pool. I'm proud of my huge jump in the standings. I also enjoy the links in your emails, keep them coming.

In the future when hovercrafts become the normal form of transportation I am going to start a hovercraft gang. The problem is finding a good gang name. I know what you are all thinking, what a great idea, well like all great ideas I am not the first to think of it. Hunter S. Thompson had the idea in his book Hell's Angels which I am currently reading.


Today was free admission day at the zoo. This means that the zoo was insanely busy. Almost 1200 people took the tour. My voice was horse after my shift from talking so much. My patience was wearing thin near the end, but don't worry I kept it together. One of my worst fears is that I will run over one of the peacocks during the tour. Do you think I would get fired? People before Peacocks!

Dave I saw your mom at the zoo today, we had a nice chat.

Your Hot To Trot, You Think Your Slicker Then Grease




I had to erase the links to Dave and Luke's blog. Every time you clicked on them you wouldn't be sent to their blogs you would be sent to some site called webfire. It was weird. I'll put the links back later and hopefully there will be no problems.

I went out with Jeff and Kim last night. We went and had beer and food at Alexander's. The food was good as was the conversation and the music.

Today was the first time in months that I slept in past noon and I must say it felt damn good. I slept for all of you out there who had to get up early. I'm looking forward to wings tonight.


DOMINIC!, WHERE'S DOMINIC!

I'm A Spaceship Superstar!


Well the Oilers crapped out last night. They played a horrible first period. I'm sorry to all those Oilers fans out there. Carolina out played them last night. It would have been nice to have the Stanley Cup back in Canada where it belongs (or in Detroit). GO WINGS!

I watched the game last night over at Mike and Deanna's. Dave, Twyla and Elijah also joined us. Elijah seemed hypnotised by the hockey.

Dave I'm glad to hear that you are joining Jay-Z and myself in they boycott of Cristal. I know it's going to be hard to switch to a new brand of champaigne, but that dude was racist and we can't support racism.

Yesterday at the zoo there was a lot of highschool and older elementary school kids there. As we all know these kids are almost all assholes. I had a couple of dudes on the train who were being loud and obnoxious and swearing a bunch. There were also families on the train so I went back and told them that I would not start the train until they got off because they were making other people uncomfortable and they were being assholes. They gave me a bit of lip and I looked at them and said "you can stay on the train until 6 when I'm done, but I won't go with you guys on it" they could tell that I am a super badass and they got off the train.


I know the face is cut off, but this is Deanna giving me the finger

Some How, Some Where, Its Got to Get Better Then This



The Oilers pounded the Cane's last night. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Oilers just may win the cup. It won't be easy though. The Hurricanes have the home ice advantage and they have a veteran team, nothing is guaranteed.

I watched the game over at Dave and Twyla's last night. Eli didn't seem to impressed to have me over. After the game Dave and I watched Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I highly recommend this movie to everyone, especially if you love good hip-hop like Kanye West, Blackstar, Mos Def, Talib Kwali, The Fugees, Dead Prez, Jill Scott, Eyrikah Badu, and Common. If your a fan of Dave Chappelle you will also probably like it as well.


Jay-Z has announced that he is boycotting Cristal Champaigne. Apparently one of the executives for Cristal made some disparaging comments about how he doesn't like the Champaignes association with hip-hop. Jay-Z found the comments to be racist and he will no longer serve the beverage at his nightclub or drink it in his private life.

My Whole Crew is Lounging



One of the interesting parts of working at the zoo is the fact that you can watch animals have sex. I watched two minature horses have sex earlier this week and many questions came to mind, like can two minature horses produce a average sized horse? Little people can have averaged sized babies. The two horses are black and white, will they produce a minature zebra?

Sorry I missed you earlier this week Mikey. I still wasn't feeling to great. We will have to get together next week. I found out today that Del is having two concerts here on the first and second of July, are you still interested in going to one?

Big hockey game tonight. Even though I hate the Oilers (especially Fernando Pisani) I find myself routing for them. It's my Canadian pride coming through.

Tomorrow is father's day, even though my dad has no use for the interweb I will still wish him a happy father's day on the blog


He won't mind that I put a picture of him in bed on the interweb, will he?

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a new digital camera. Enjoy Cork and Wales Luke.

I'm Crooked Like White People Dancing Off Beat


I still have this killer cough and cold. It's really starting to piss me off. It's not so much the fact that I have a cold, but the fact that every time I have a huge cough I get really bad pains in my stomach. I'm 100% sure it's related to my hernia. I have had coughs were I can feel the hernia move from inside my stomach to outside of it.

Its it is suppose to rain tomorrow and Friday. This means that there is a good chance that I won't be driving the train those days. That kind of sucks. On the one hand I usually am not to disappointed when I don't have to work, but on the other hand I don't get paid. And you all know me, I'm all about the Benjamins(or in the case of Canada, the Queen Elizabeth's)

I'm sorry Dave I don't remember discussing the Ivory Coast game. Was that in your car on the way to your house. I know I only saw highlights from it and from what I heard it was a good game. TnT's defense was amazing during that Sweden game. The reason The game was awesome was beacuse everyone thought TnT would get blown out by the Swedes. Sweden did dominate the gameplay, but TnT got some chances. I'm mad that I will be at work for their game versus England tomorrow. Damn booth, at least I'll get the chance to finish Angels & Demons.

Here's hoping that the Oilers win tonight and extend the series another game. It doesn't feelright to have the Stanley Cup in North Carolina.
I know Dave will love this picture. This is my number one friend on myspace with the ultimate crunk cup.
If you go to the Atlanta Thrashers website you will be able to find a bunch of pictures of Lil Jon with the Stanley Cup. http://www.atlantathrashers.com/View.aspx?CID01=2f55ed7f-4c5f-4dea-893a-a8efa4300637

DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

That's right TnT the biggest World Cup underdog ever tied the very talented and heavily favoured Swedish team. It's about time Sweden was taken down a couple of pegs. A tie is like a win for TnT. Things were not looking good for TnT, during warm-ups our starting goalie got injured, but luckily backup Shaka Hislop saved the day. This guy is now a national hero in TnT.

The weather here in Saskatoon has been crappy. I have had a couple shifts at work canceled because of the weather. That's probably a good thing though because I am battling a nasty cough right now.

This next picture is for my most devoted and therefore favourite follower of Christifanity Gilles. I hope you enjoy buddy.

This is the CD cover from Joey Lawrence's hugely successful album. It has everything you love about JL, ripped jeans, sweater tied around the waste, plaid shirt, and a white T-shirt.

You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes



I havn't blogged in a few days. No time.

Even though I sent her an email I might as well publically congratulate Nicole for being accepted into her Master's program. I'm sure you will have a Wales of a time (The University is in Wales).

Welcome home Mikey. I enjoyed the monkey picture you sent me. I will see you next week for beer and stories. I also found a new pic of your dad. Another classic! Nothing beats drinking with one of your best friends dad.

Davey boy I will come drink with you tomorrow at the garage sale.

Like A Pinch On The Neck From Mr. Spock



Dave made his World Cup predictions on his blog. I will make no predictions, but I will tell you that I will be cheering for the country of Trinidad & Tobago. I think most people know of my intimate connection with these small sister islands. TnT baby!

I'm glad to hear that BC is spreading to other groups. A Feminist BC is a great idea. Dudes can be feminists, I wonder if I can join. I would bring up the feminist arguement that women should have the right to be prostitutes because its their body and they should have the right to do what they want with their bodies.

George W. has brought the gay marriage debate back into the forefront of US politics. This is a reactionary move. The Christian Conservatives who got Bush elected have been making noise recently about having their issues ignored by the President. They have been threatning to not be active in the upcoming mid-term elections. The Republicans need these guys in certain states to help win the elections. So to appease them Bush is once again trying to get the members of the House to pass a bill that would ban gay marriage in the US. He wants to go as far as to have traditional marriage protected by the Constitution. I don't know how many gay Americans read my blog, but for those who do don't worry. Bush tried to do this a few years ago and he failed miserably and by all accounts this effort will fail as well.

I'm sure you have all heard of the terror plot and arrests that were made last week in Ontario. Some defense lawyers have been complaining that these dudes who were arrested may have been entrapt by the RCMP. My inner Conservative came out when I heard about this. Who gives a shit if these dicks were entrapt. They were planning on killing Canadians, Screw them! These dudes are a disgrace to their religion and their people.

Woooah, don't worry cool laid back Chris is back. No more nastiness.

Here's a sweet picture of me and my neice to counter act the nasty me from earlier. This was taken a couple years ago.

Love Me or Hate Me, Just Leave Me Alone

Hey, Hey, Hey !

Gilles your night sounded insane dude. I need to move to the MTL it sounds a lot more fun then the toon.

BC was solid today. We went to a liitle cafe which name escapes me at this moment. Jeff and I had the chicken salad and soup, it was delicious. It was good to see Jeff and Kim again, hadn't seen you dudes in a long time.

Twyla asked me today why there was no girl profits in Christifanity. I told her that Nicole had been named a profit a long time ago. Recently Gilles was bumped up to full profit.
Here is the official profit list:Dave, Luke, Mike, Nicole, Gilles.
I have been thinking about whether I should give Twyla profit status. I came to this conclusion: Even though Twyla gives me a hard time more then anybody, she also laughs at my jokes, so Twyla you are in. You are now an official profit. Congrats! This means though you are going to have to have your portrait painted at some point.

Here is my tour schedule at the zoo. Feel free to come and see me.
June:
Thursday & Friday-- 2:00pm-6:00pm
Sunday & Monday-- 2:00pm-6:00pm

Mike when the hell do you get back? I miss you, so bad.

How could you not miss this guy.

They Say They Only Remember You When Your Dead and Your Gone, So On That Note I'm Leaving After This Song.

My blog title is one of my favourite lyrics from the "Best Rapper Alive" Jay-Z

Now that it is June I work for about 10 hours on Thursday and Friday. I am really enjoying giving the tours. On my first tour today I had about 40 people on the train and most of then were mentally challenged teens (I hope that's the PC term). One of the kids asked me if he could ride upfront with me, Usually we are not suppose to, but I didn't care he seemed like a nice dude. At the end of the tour they all gave me an ovation for my touring skills. It felt pretty good. I also got a $2 tip today from a Grandma who was there with her 4 grandkids.

It was 32 degrees today in Saskatoon. Being in the booth this morning was fine because there is AC there, but I was outside the rest of the afternoon giving tours. Sometimes I hate the sun. I blame everyone around the world for polluting the earth and making the ozone layer disappear.

This morning a bee got into my booth. The women who was at the booth saw the bee go in and said to me, "Well better in there with you then in here with me" What a bitch! At least have some sympathy to the fact that I'm going to have to deal with a bee. She didn't get any friendly chit chat from me after she said that.

With both my jobs at the zoo sometimes I feel like I get paid for doing nothing. In the booth I thought about how I was getting paid and all I was doing was reading Nelson Mandella's autobiography. F.Y.I., Mandella is my new hero. I'm going to patern my leadership of Christifanity like Mandella led his organization the ANC. I will go to jail for 27 years if that means that Christifanity becomes the ruling political party and main religion here in Canada. During the down time at the Train I found myself having staring contest with tiger who I have named Punjab, Looking at my neckbeard intensely in my rear view mirrors and trying to beat my high score on my cell phone game Astrosmash. Again I am getting paid while I do all this.
This is the autobiography. I agree with the quote on the cover

I'm The Juggernaut, Bitch!



If you have read Dave's blog today you already know that we went and saw X-men last night. I agree with everything that Dave had to say about the movie. The Juggernaut was awesome and Kitty Pryde was cool. The best part of the movie was the epic battle near the end. The more I think about it the more I think Beast kicked ass in the battle. Kudos Frasier.

This is not Juggernaut from the movie. I felt it necessary to point that out.

Well I'm going to go relax for awhile. Starting tommorow I work about 10 hours a day on Thursday's and Friday's. Working Sucks!

Cast You Off Into Exhile!

I do not have much to say I'm just really bored.

Inspired by Dave I also added a hit counter to my blog. Thanks for the inspiration partner. I think I may start talking like a cowboy. You know lots of Howdy's and Mam's

Dave and I are going to see X-men tonight. I must admit to being a bit psyched for the show. I read the X-men comics as a young lad and I have enjoyed the previous two movies. I want to see Juggernaut.

I was once again going through old pictures and I found these gems. The first is Mike's dad giving me the business. The second is Mike with a cat on his head.

It's An American Tradition, Like Fathers Chasing Kids Around With Power Tools

I'm glad to hear that everything is going well in Montreal Gilles. I am sure you are doing a fine job in spreading Christifanity to the Francophone's. Gettting them tipsy on Irish Car Bombs is a proven method towards conversion. And remember I'll always have your back. Your only true friend, Chris



This is an xray of duck. If you look at the bottom right corner there appears to be an alien head. This is a real xray. The bird clinic where this was taken is auctioning off the xray to raise funds. I think aliens have been using ducks as cover as they roam earth. I'll have to perform some experiments on some of the ducks at work.

Long Haired, Freaky People Need Not Apply.

We went to EE Buritos for BC yesterday. According to everyone it is a great place, but if I went on yesterday I would have to argue that. Our waiter was a bit of a space head and Dave and I got the wrong Tamales. Twyla assures me that it is usually much better so I am taking her word for it and we will have to go back there soon. I also missed not having Kim and Jeff there. I know Jeff had to babysit, but where were you Kim? We are going to some African place next week, hopefully I won't be called into work.

Dave, Twyla, and I watched the Oilers game last night. Congrats to the Oilers. I'm sure that you must be on cloud nine Jeffy. I still hate the Oilers. I will only cheer for Oilers if they play Buffalo. I hate Buffalo even more.



I was going through some old pictures and I saw this one and it made me laugh. Looks like Dave is checkin out Deanna's ass. I'm in the background drunk.