Don't Start To Flex Up In The Discotheque




Tonight is a glorious night, Why? because tonight is the season premeire of the best show on Television LOST. The only crappy part of my trip is that I will be missing LOST, but I have recruited my main man DB to tape all the episodes I will be missing. Your good people DB.

Speaking of my trip I leave on Sunday morning. I land In Frankfurt Germany. I have already booked a place to stay for a few days in Frankfurt. I am staying at a place called The Stay and Learn Hostel and that's what I intend to do.

This Friday October 6th I will be hosting a Chris Nelson Farewell Eurotrash party. All guests will be asked to dress like Eurotrash so I can get use to being around Eurotrash. These are my favourite pictures from my google image search of Eurotrash




I would also like to encourage all my guests to bring some cd's that they think I might enjoy so I can put them on my ipod. I have room for like 6500 more songs.

Jim Dandy To The Rescue



Tonight sucked!

I spent the day babysitting my neice which was fine, but after I dropped her off things just started to suck. As I was driving home I bumped a curb on Taylor and it caused my tire to go flat. Not having CAA coverage and not wanting to pay for a someone to come put the donut on, I decided to change it myself. This is no big deal I know how to change a tire, my dad showed me one night when he got a flat years ago. So as I get out to start the process of jacking the car up it starts to rain heavily. I hate the rain. So I'm getting soaked, but there are still good people in this world, a guy came and gave me an umbrella. I never got his name, but I would like to say thank you to the dude who lives at 34 Cumberland Cres. Your solid in my book.
Because of the flat I missed going to a movie with M&D, sorry guys. And now I have to go to get this wheel fixed and I may have to buy a new rim which would suck.

This has put me in a bad mood, so I've decided to leave the country in a week and a half.

Sincerely
The Neltoid

Oh My God It's A Mirage, I'm Telling Ya'll It's A Sabotage


I promised a politcal blog and I am not the kind of guy who breaks promises. So get ready and enjoy my political venom.

I havn't done a politcal blog in a while, so some of my opinions may be on some older issues.


First lets talk about the destruction of Lebanon by Israel. This was a huge disaster for Israel. They destroyed a country that had already denounced Hezbollah. And the Hezbollah soldiers were able to fend off the mighty Israel army. This is only going to make Hezbollah more bold. This war created more supprt for Hezbollah in Lebanon and it weakens the Israeli position in the region.

Next lets talk about Iran.

If any of you are worried about Iran, don't be. Iran wants nuclear power, for energy. Now the US beleives that we can't give Iran any nuclear capabilities because they might create a Nuclear weapon. All reports coming out of Iran are saying they are far away from acheiving nuclear power for energy and if they are far away from having nuclear power for energy then they are really far away from having nuclear weapons. Not to mention the fact that even if you do create a Nuclear weapon you still have to figure out a way to deploy that weapon. And if they even figured out a way to deploy the weapon, there target would likely be Israel, and I don't think they would de dumb enough to risk a nuclear war with Israel, they already have nukes and so does there good friend America.

Some people(Bill O'Reilly) also believe that it is very likely that the US will have to start military action in Iran. And they believe that war would be even more devastating then Iraq. This will never happen. Not enough troops. Besides if they do start a war in Iran, they wouldn't even use troops they would just bomb the shit out of the country. The US wouldn't care about winning over the people of that country.

I read a speech from George W, Bush were he stated that he believed that there is a religious movement going on this world. What kind of Religious movement? Well apparently he thinks that there is a religious movement of people who are supporting him and the war in Iraq. His proof of this is the fact that people have been telling him that they are praying for him. What a crazy asshole.

Well I'm going to go buy an Ipod

I'll Be Calling Out To People Like A Casting Call




The inevitable has happened. It was announced a couple of days ago that there will be a big screen version of The Hobbit. Apparently Peter Jackson hasn't signed on yet to direct, but no one else can direct that movie.


I was covering a shift on the train at the zoo this past Sunday and I ran into an old friend. It was the same old friend you ran into Dave, the one who lives right by you. We had an excellent conversation. I hadn't had a good talk with her for awhile and I really enjoyed talking to her again. She sat upfront and came on a tour with me.

This Friday I'm going to a zoo staff windup. Free supper and bowling. Now I am not the greatest bowler, but I have decided to bring out my inner Lebowski. So I'm going to drink white russians and smoke a J before I go.




I realized that I have not done a political fueled blog lately. So I have decided that the next blog will be all about world politics. So get prepared because I'm going to throw down some mad political knowledge

My trip is coming closer and closer. Last week it all became real when my passport and my eurarail pass came on the same day. I look like a serial killer in my passport photo. Well at least I don't look middle eastern. They totally get racial profiled at airports.

Later

Chris Honcho

I'm Bringing Sexy Back



I would first like to wish all my friends and family who are going back to school a good year. Remember school is cool.

I bought season 2 of LOST yesterday. I have to get my parents caught up on this season before October 4th when season 3 begins. My parents missed the last disc of season 1. They thought the episode where Boone died was the season finally. I got them straightened out.

I also got a new cell phone yesterday. It is much better then my old one. I also switched plans and I now only pay like $20 a month, but I still get a ton of minutes. I decided to take my cell with me to Europe. I won't make calls on it, but I will use it as a clock and alarm clock.

I'm glad to hear you beat Indiana Jones Dave. I know first hand that the last level is insanely tough. You must have spent a lot of time trying to beat it. Kudos.

Later Dudes

In The City Of Compton, We Keep It Rockin'





I had an enjoyable birthday yesterday. I went to the Granary for supper with the fam. I had the Chicken Cordon Blue and salad wagon. Then went back home for presents and birthday pie. I got of bunch of things for my upcoming trip, like a Swiss Army Knife, a small carry on bag, and other small things. I'm having a BBQ at my dad's tonight to celebrate my birth with my dad's side of the family.

After my family stuff was done I went to O'Shea's with Dave. We were met by Twyla and to my surprise Jeff. I thought Jeff was still going to be in Edmonton, it was a nice surprise. Thanks for telling him about the drinking Kim. Bea also joined us. The five of us had some drinks, some laughs, and some good conversation.

I woke up this morning and I was told by my stepbrother that the Steve Irwin "The Crocodile Hunter" had been killed by a stingray. I was in shock. I loved the Croc Hunter. If you scroll down to the previous blogs you will see a picture of Steve.

R.I.P

I Would Like To Thank My Parents For Bringing Me Into This World




Today is the biggest holiday in the religion of Christifanity. The day of my birth. This is like Christifanity's Christmas. So feel free to give gifts to your loved ones and of course to me.

It's hard to believe that I have been alive for a quarter of a century. So many memories.


For all you true believers who want to celebrate with me this evening, me and some of the prophets will be getting together at O'Shea's around 9-9:30pm. Please call me for any further details.

FUNKYBOSS, FUNKYBOSS, Get Off My Back!





Tomorrow is my last full day at the zoo. Will I miss this job? I don't think I'll miss it, but I will look back on this job with mostly fond memories.

I hooked my dad up with an email address yesterday. I then had to explain to him over the phone about gmail and how he could send and check his account. Man am I patient.

Planning for my European vacation has been going well. I got my passport application sent off without any problems. I have a tentative plan of where I want to go. The problem is I would really like to go everywhere, but I don't have the time or the money honey.

Here is a map of Europe to give you guys some perspective. This is the unofficail intenerary:
Land in Frankfurt Germany, spend a few days Oktober festing

Go to the Netherlands, spend a week in Ampsterdam blowing all my money in the Red Light District, then spend another week touring around the rest of the country

Go to Belgium and work on my beer Muscles from Brussels and also go to Bruge where my good frien JB worked

Go to France and check out Paris. Then go to the Normandy region and check out some WWII historical locations

Go to London and hunt for the English Nelson's

Go to Wales and crash with Nicole

Then go to the French Riviera

Go to Spain and learn a little Spanish

Then to Italy to eat delicious food and check out the Vatican

Then a couple days in Greece

Then to Croatia

Croatia up to Hungary

From Hungary to Slovakia

Slovakia to Poland

Poland to Czech Republic

And then Czech Republic back to Germany for my flight home.

Then I spend three days at home before I go to Hawaii and Austrailla for a month and a half.

I'm tired just writing all that.


For all my fellow LOST fanatics. Season Three starts on October 4th. I will be here for the first episode, but then I will miss the next seven. I am going to rely on someone to tape the missed episode for me. I plan on watching them all during my three day visit home. Dave this sounds like a perfect job for you. You have nothing else going on in your life, right?

I'm So Moving On, YEAH YEAH





Last Sunday I went into work and the train wouldn't start. As you could imagine I was crushed over the fact that I did not have to work. So to make myself feel better I went up to Mike's cabin early and surprised everybody.

Mike's cabin was a good time. It was both fun and relaxing which was exactly what I needed. Some highlights of the time at the cabin were swimming, boating, golfing, and being thrown from a golf cart by Mike's dad. Now don't worry I'm fine. I walked away with some bruises and soarness.

If you would like to learn more of the cabin go to Daves blog. The link is on the right.

So apparently the plan of having BC at my work is coming to fruition tomorrow. I honestly didn't think it would happen.



I was talking with Bea today and she commented on this picture below which is on my myspace site. I thought I would share it with the masses. Luke made this little pic.
"I'll see you in heaven, forever baby"

It's The Knick Knack Paddy Whack Still Riding Cadillacs





I am glad to hear that you are coming back to the Toon for a while Gilles. We will definately do some coolin. Ice Cube style

"I make dough, but don't call me Doughboy"

Tomorrow I am heading up to Mike's cabin for a little R&R. It should be a good time. Mike, Deanna and Joel are already up there and Dave, Twyla, and Eli are heading up today. I'm going to drink Eli under the table.

Well I have not much else to say. The zoo hasn't been bothering me as much lately so not to much to bitch about on that front.

Later Christifanians

I'm High On Life, Yeah, I'm Fucking Wasted






Not much new and exciting things happening. I went to the Fringe on Friday with Joel, Mike, and Deanna. Dave was suppose to meet us, but he wussied out. We did some drinking at some different places. A good time was had by all. Mike, Deanna and I cabbed home. We ended up at their apartment where Mike BBQ for us. Your good people Mike Larson.




Dave and I got together on Saturday and had a meeting. Dave beat me at video game hockey. I'm still bitter. It was a fun evening despite the little scare that happened.








dave made me squeal

I'll Be Where The Eagles Are Flying Higher and Higher



The newest thing that drives me crazy at work is when people who sit right behind me on the train talk loudly on their cell phones for the entire tour. I had a lady who did this for the entire zoo and heritage tour. I was ready to punch her. It is very distracting. I very passive aggresively cranked the voulume of my microphone, not only could I not hear her, but I'm guessing she was having problems hearing who ever was on the other line. Thank god I only have a couple more weeks there.


Well its official. I am taking off. Not to the great white north like in that Rush song, but rather to Europe. I leave October 8th. I land in Frankfurt, just in time for Oktober Fest. I will then be backpacking across the continent. Some people may say that I can't hit every country in Europe, I say those people are pessimists and I am a raging optimist. I then comeback to Saskatoon in early February for a few days before I go to Hawaii for M & D's wedding and from Hawaii to Sydney Austrailla for a month of Down Under Debotchery.


This will be me when I'm down there

I Asked You To Go To The Green Day Concert, You Said You Never Heard Of Them, How Cool Is That! So I Went To Your Room And Read Your Diary




The Fjord's beer night was in my opinion a success last night. A lot of people showed up, including Jeff's, Kim's, and Luke's parents. Jim stole the show for a good portion of the night. The best thing Jim did was table pound a beer with Ken (Luke's dad). The worst thing Jim did was puke on a table in front of a bunch of people, fortunately I went to the bathroom just before the puking happened so I missed it. Watching Jim puke seemed to really affect Dave.

As I predicted I got pretty drunk. It was good drunk, I wasn't stumbling around I was just having a good time. I saw some good people who I hadn't seen in a while, like Chris Cotton and Zuri Epp. I also met Kim's parents and I had a nice little convo with them. I also told Bev (Jeff's mom) all about my upcoming trip to Europe. Bev also drove Jeff, Kim, Dave, and I home. That's Solid

I always new Dave was a hippy tree hugger


Here's a pic of me and D. This was when the neck beard was just a dream, now it's a reality.

I Must Confess, My Destiny Is Manifest




I had a stellar weekend. Friday I went to Kaid's birthday BBQ which included a free keg. Free kegs are great. That's the second free keg I have had access to this week. Life is good. I got to see a lot of people who I havn't seen in a while at the par-tay. Your a king Kris Olsen. We'll have that lunch with our mom's real soon. I also met a girl who has made out with both Cavanaugh brothers. As expected I was shocked by this info.

Then Saturday I went to a BBQ hosted by Dave and Twyla at Dave's parents place. This was also a very enjoyable night, but for completely different reasons. I also saw Milo drink from the pond. What a funny kid.

Speaking of kegs of beer, if any of my loyal readers want to go to a Fjord's beer night this Friday let me know. It's at Winston's between 7-9pm. It's $10 bucks per ticket, but you get access to a keg, so its really an awesome deal.


I'll be there, DRUNK OFF MY ASS!

I am officialy at the point of being sick of my tour job. I have become a grumpy bitter tour guide. If people could only read my mind sometimes. I am a mean bastard in my head. Only to those who deserve my venom. I am just so sick of the stupid questions. The closest I have come to being rude is today when some women asked me what time the train was leaving. I was standing by the giant clock that advertises what time the next train ride is, so I said to her in what could be conceived as a rude tone "What does the Clock say" Let's just say that I am glad I have the next two days off, because if I had to work tomorrow I might go off on a person.

What's My Name? G-SPOT!, What Do I Rock? The G-SPOT




I noticed today that I hadn't blogged in over a week. That's just not acceptable. I apologize to all of you.

I havn't had much to blog about my week at the zoo was pretty tame. Nothing terribly exciting or funny. I helped a lost little girl find her Grandma today.

Went to a BBQ with Mike at Mark Ferguson's house this past Sunday. Free keg of beer and delicious food, nothing beats that. I have two BBQ's to go to this week, I love the summer.

My Uncle asked me what I thought about what was happening in the middle east with Israel and Lebanon. My response was that the Middle East was a question that has no answer, it is a total mystery. Like how'd they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar.

Great Middle East analogy, or the Greatest Middle East analogy?

Nice Guys Get Washed Away, Like The Snow And The Rain




So I got an email from a Phd student in Los Angeles who is doing part of her Phd on blogs. She wants me to do a survey. Dave and Luke did you get an email. I was wondering if she sent mass emails to blogger users or she just picked mine. Apparently if I agree my blog will also be used in classes as well. Maybe this will be the first step towards Christifanity becoming the world wide movement I envision. Anythings possible.

I had a stressful day at work yesterday. I am not going to go into great details, but I will just say I got two 10 year old kids banned from the zoo. And I don't feel bad.

To help relieve my stress I went to Superman Returns with Dave and my stepbrother Paul. I would say its a quality picture. Visually pleasing.



We also saw the trailer for Spiderman 3, it looks awesome.

I've Always Had A P.H.D, A Pretty Huge Dick

Remeber when I dropped this line at Mike and Deanna's one night. That was hilarious. I'm Great. It wasn't inappropriate at all

Here is my weekly recap of the interesting things that happened to me at the zoo:

The best thing that happened this week was yesterday. There were these two teenager dudes at the zoo. One was big and tall and the other was scronny. So I'm on a tour and these dicks through some stones at the train. I stop the train and give them hell and tell them I'll have them kicked out if they do it again. So for the rest of the day whenever they would see me doing a tour they would eyeball me. So they decided to walk right past me when I was waiting for someone to get on the train and they eyeball me. Then the big one whispers something to the little one (probably a slam against yours truly) and they start laughing. So I say to them "So are you two on a date", "It looks like you two have some real chemistry", "Are you having a fun date at the zoo" Both of these two losers get all flustered and say stuff like "what" "no" I think the realized that they were messing with a far greater power then they expected and they turned away and walked away. I had thought of the burn earlier in the day and I was happy that I got the oppurtunity to use it.

Thursday when I was in the booth a dude driving an orange VW van tried the old jedi mind trick to convince me that he did not have to pay the $2.00 parking charge. He did the little hand wave and said to me "I do not have to pay the parking charge" My response "jedi mind tricks don't work on me only money" Just like Watto in the Phantom Menace





I watched Revenge of the Nerds yesterday on one of my new TV channels. It was uncensored and hilarious. Every time I think of ROTN I think of day Dave and I spent in Surrey B.C. Good times hey Brown-town



Best shirt ever!

For The Day I Die, I'm Going To Touch The Sky




It was good to talk to Luke and Nicole today. I am glad to hear that you guys are doing well. You are both missed by me. I have no one to go out with anymore.

So yesterday we got Max from sasktel, so we have all these channels now. My stepbrother and I watched this show on my favourite channel National Geographic channel. The show was called "The Darkside of Chimps" And let me tell you that chimps do have a darkside. Chimps are coming in closer contact with humans in Africa and chimps also love meat. So the chimps prey on the weak humans mainly babies and infants. That's right chimps kill babies. Chimps also murder other chimps. They showed actual footage of groups of male chimps who go out on treks to find male chimps from other territories and kill them. It blew my mind.
I thought chimps were cute, now I think there evil. Chimps killing humans is the first step towards Planet of the Apes becoming a reality.


BE AFRAID!

Now I'm Rapping About Money, Hoes, And Rims Again




It's nerd time:

The sequel to The Fantastic Four movie is called "Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer" That's right Silver Surfer is finally making his big screen debut. Who is playing the Silver Surfer? Nobody, he is going to be all computer generated.

Season 2 of LOST comes out on DVD September 5th.



I am happy to report that I have gotten my mom and stepdad also hooked on the best show on TV. Soon you will all become LOST fanatics.

I'm off to work. Going to go coolin' with my animal homies

Just Like A Prayer I'll Take You There, It's Like A Dream To Me





I have one more thing I forgot to post on my last blog. If any of you are ever in Hague Saskatchewan you must go to the Shell station. The women who works there in a dead ringer for Stephen Harper. That's right a lady Harper. And I am not talking a little like the PM, I'm saying his exact twin. Imagine Stephen Harper wearing pink lipstick and earings



I thought I would also share this picture.


Best Uncle Ever!